No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
