she woke up with a sticky ear
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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