I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
