I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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