Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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