Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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