Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
