Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
