its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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