I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This baby is an asshole
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Boobs are out for the taking
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
