you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
