The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
