Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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