So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
