I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
