Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
honey bunches of taint.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
