I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
