he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
