belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
