We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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