I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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