His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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