life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
420 ftw
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
