I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize