I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
