There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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