I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
