Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
