My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My nipple is on Facebook.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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