There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
