is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
