pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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