You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
