he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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