I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
