I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
