Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
