Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize