at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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