I'll bet she douches with gravy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
