I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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