Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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