I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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