Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize