Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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