bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
