I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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