So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
