therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
