How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
