you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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