So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
