it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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