Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
