You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
