They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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