Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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