i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
