This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
