Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
