If i come over, it means nothing
...so i touched it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
