dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
