It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need water and some morals
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
