you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
