Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
