Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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