About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize