sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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