There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
