I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
