dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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