I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
