he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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