I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
