So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
