watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
