so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
