My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
