HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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