We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
