I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
